Sunday, July 29, 2012

Writing Prompts Reveal Heartache

I was engaged. For two and a half years. I thought I was ready to spend my life with my first boyfriend. I didn't realize when everything changed right in front of my face. I lost my best friend. I lost time. I spent so much time on him. If I knew how many hours I wasted on planning our wedding, on trying to salvage a relationship I never should have begun... I wish I could have that time back. To give it to G-d, to my friends, to myself. How many fucking times did I choose him over me? Over experiences that were bound to change me for the better, memories and experiences that don't involve him?

I am unsure of my future. I have no idea what my career will be or where I will live. I don't know. BUT I am a woman who has the courage to leave for a year to be an au-pair in the country of my second language. I am full of love and I am so complicated. I am not a virgin but I am pure again.

I think far too much about someone. A perfect night for me would be on the couch or in bed with his arms around me with coffee or tea and a good book.

I wonder what the future holds. I wish I knew. I wish my heart would heal and that I could truly trust in G-d.

I save ticket stubs and stupid, dorky souvenirs to remember.


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