Friday, September 7, 2012

5/30 things

The madwoman has decided that tonight (since it's only 9:30 and freaking dark out already :glare:), she's going to journal a bunch. Including answering (okay probably mainly JUST answering) these 30 things. And watching Netflix. And researching Messianic Judaism. Again. (I'm drawn back to it every couple of months. I think that may be telling me something...)

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
If you ask me, I'll tell you I don't like peanut butter or mustard. But I use both.
Of the five love languages, mine is touch.
If I could have one thing from my past back, it would be my cat: Smokey.
At this moment, I cannot definitively tell you where my home is.
Though I am a Christian, I have never read my Bible on a daily basis outside of camp.

I became an aunt on 9/1/12 at 5:39am to an absolutely beautiful little girl named Emilia Evelyn.
Though college was what I needed socially and emotionally, I sometimes feel it was a waste of money.
I wish sometimes that I had ended my relationship with Ron much earlier.
Autumn is my favorite season.
I'd rather cuddle than have sex.

My hair is currently red with black tips.
I don't enjoy wearing gold/diamonds because I'm afraid of losing/damaging it.
The only jewelry I wear on a daily basis are one ring per hand, a nose stud, and a barbell in my helix.
Some of the movies I consider my absolute favorites, I don't own.
I have very little self-control in some areas. Like waking up early.

My first job was as the "phone girl" for a local pizza joint.
After I return to the US, I'm hoping to find a job as either a waitress or a nanny.
I cried when I saw pictures of my niece.
Today's emotion for most of it has been apathy.
Lastly, my first celebrity crush was Brandon Quinn from "Big Wolf on Campus".

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
A) I'm afraid of the dead. It just happened. I was at my great-grandmother's wake, getting things ready with my mother, and she couldn't handle putting the pictures in the coffin. I took the pictures, told her I'd do it and when I tried, I was frozen. I couldn't move. The illogical part of my brain thought that she's sit up and demand her rings (which I was wearing) back.
B) I'm afraid of helicopters. Just the sound used to send me into a panic attack. It's gotten better but if one lands, I still freak out. When I was around 7, one landed in our backyard basically in order to med-evac someone who was in an auto accident to the hospital. It scared me so badly that I don't even remember this event. In high school, one landed about 100 yards away from me as part of a drunk driving demonstration. I had a panic attack on the bleachers and started crying.
C) I'm afraid of doing something wrong. I have a terrible guilt complex.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
My dad and I are way too much alike. We fight when we're around each other too much. But I'm realizing now that I'm taking care of the girls so much that he influenced me a LOT growing up. The way I take care of the girls, the things I say, the way I play with them sometimes (throwing them on the bed, holding them upside down). Even the style of discipline I aspire to: setting boundaries, outlining consequences, sticking to them. It comes from him. I was Daddy's little girl and now I'm realizing just what that means in terms of his impact on my life. That's also why it bothers me so much when he drinks and smokes.
My mom is now a good friend but didn't really fulfill the mother role when I was a teenager and needed it. She was dealing with the divorce and then with her marriage and Samantha. And at the moment we just got into another disagreement about religion so I don't have too much to say.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
Your sex drive will kick in eventually. Don't judge your friends because theirs kicked in sooner.
When you dye your hair black, just realize how long it's going to take to get it back.
Learn the articles to the German words. It will be important one day.
You are not manic depressive. You have depression and anxiety. Learn coping mechanisms now rather than later. They will be important. Tea can only do so much.
College will be a time of great learning for you. You will change so much that you wouldn't recognize yourself if you saw the girl woman writing this. Your plans will change but you are always in the hands of the King.

Speaking of college and of the King, GO TO KOIN! It's one of the most unique experiences you'll have in your life and you will miss it when you leave.
Get your license dammit! Seriously!
Convince Dad to take you to see Gramma Blair more. Record her stories. Otherwise when she's gone, you'll be left not knowing her. Ditto Poppy (though Gott sei Dank he's still with us).
Pet Smokey. Don't ignore her because you're afraid of losing her. (My cat was incredibly skinny and sick when she passed away.)
"The Bible is bread for every day living not cake for special occassions." Seek G-d every day.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
The smile on Nuria's face when she tottles over to me.
Conversations with my closest friends from back home.
Emilia Evelyn, my newborn niece.
Coffee. Yes, seriously.
The glimpses I have of the woman I know He wants me to be.

I've decided I'll be posting these in segments of five, no matter how long that takes me to finish. So here's the first five. Next five to come later (tonight, tomorrow, no clue when).


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