Monday, October 22, 2012


Alright. It was a great weekend but at the end of it, I'm honestly feeling so distant from Him...

I just didn't spend any time with Him this weekend and I've allowed myself to drift enough that I notice. It might just be a little but it's enough. And it's letting me sink into depression. Depression sucks.

So does anxiety.

I'm not sure I can spew everything out into a blog post. Not sure if it's the hour or the tired or the crap but this is rambling. Here's my point:

My depression gets worse when I distance myself from G-d. I do not believe that my mental illnesses are a result of my particular sin. I do believe that in a world before the fall depression and anxiety would not have existed but that I did nothing in particular to "deserve" this illness, aside from being born into this sinful world. But I do believe that there are things I can do to make the effects better or worse. One of the things that severely impacts my mood and how much my mental illness effects me is my relationship with G-d. If there's sin keeping me separated from Him, my depression hurts me. If there's any reason why I haven't sought His face lately, it hurts.

I was so busy this weekend that I didn't seek Him. And I'm paying for it today. And it's almost 11 pm, I'm exhausted, and I'm going to bed. I haven't sought Him today either. :(


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