Tuesday, October 9, 2012

What gets you up?

Once upon a time, there was a girl who obsessed over planning her future. First, she plotted her college essays and applied for scholarships and micro-managed every detail that she could. Then, she got engaged and spent three years planning her wedding. Over and over and over again. She could spend hours coming up with ideas and details and at times neglected her other responsibilities, her friendships, her schoolwork in order to plan this one day in her future. And then that day didn't happen. She moved on, she clung to G-d, and she made some bad choices. (That's always what she called them. Bad choices. Not sins. Because who wants to say "I sinned yesterday" when they could say "I made a bad choice"?) And then, soon enough, something else came up for her to micro-manage: a job that involved lots of red tape and paperwork. And that job let her come up with plans upon plans upon plans. The Middle...

This girl's story doesn't have an ending yet. But what it does have is a revelation that's been building upon itself for years.

If I spend so much time planning for the things of this life, for one day, one afternoon, how much more should I be planning for eternity? If I could count up just how many hours and days I wasted planning that wedding, I would be astonished. For me to go more than a few hours at one point without mentioning it was amazing. (This also led to a neighbor one night informing me that for every time I mentioned that damn wedding I was going to take a shot. I ended up taking two and biting my lip plenty more times to avoid having to take another.)

Last week, my goal was to wake up at 8am every day. I did it for three days. Do you know what got me up that first morning though? Okay my alarm but what kept me awake? A perfectly timed SMS (Okay I've been in Germany too long. They're called texts, Victoria!). That text was from a friend I love talking to. I stayed awake because I wanted so much to talk to them.

A text message from 4000 miles away will give me incentive to wake up but spending time with the Ruler of the Universe isn't enough? What kind of whacked out priorities is that?

I love getting mail from home. Letters, packages, etc. I dream about the day that I'll get love letters from my husband (who will write them occasionally even if he claims he's not good at it because he knows how important they are to me, how much I cherish them just like I'll watch sports with him even though I have no idea what's going on because it's important to him). But the idea of a 2000 year old love letter from the King of Kings doesn't excite me?

I can spend hours talking to my friends and family. I long to just hang out with my dearest friends and just be near them but I have no desire to meditate on His word or to just walk around in His creation to commune with Him?

I came across the following graphic Sunday night as I was trying to read blogs and it struck me. It's a quote from St. Augustine and this is what I'll leave you with today.


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