Wednesday, October 10, 2012


(Photo and editing my own)

This is the newest verse that I have half memorized. Because I do most things halfway it seems. But that's another post, another discussion, another night. It's a good verse. One that should help us to get through even the worst job with a smile, right? I love my job. I love these girls and I love the opportunities I'm being blessed with daily just by the fact that my address (despite being a very long five lines) ends in "Deutschland". I certainly have moments that this country is not on my happy list but that's mostly a discrepancy between my expectations being from the land of Wegmans and being in the old-fashioned village that it feels like I live in now. (Except that this town has a larger population than my hometown. Yet it feels so much smaller.)

But this isn't about my job. This has nothing to do with the kids. It has to do with other parts of my life. The last week or so I've started resenting things that before I *got* to do. I got to bless the hungry men and women I pass by buying them a croissant or a cup of coffee. Now I feel like I have to and isn't it such a hassle? I don't have the food with me and I can't buy it at the first bakery I see because I don't know how many men and women I'll pass on Grosse Strasse (Big Street for you non-German speakers). I have to see them, pass them, buy the food from the money I keep separate, then turn around (often with the baby in tow-in the stroller) to give it to them. And because for some reason I can't keep straight whether to use "du" or "Sie" to save my life, I stumble my way through "Here's a sandwich for you. Enjoy." and when they say something like "Have a great day" I don't know how to say "You too". Awk-ward. >< So I'm starting to resent doing this thing that I get to do.

As I was resenting the time it takes and the hassle of figuring out what to buy and wondering if they have any dietary restrictions/preferences (because even the homeless can prefer mustard to ketchup), I prayed for G-d to please remind me that when I feed the hungry, I feed Him. When I clothe the naked, I clothe Him. That what I do unto others, it's as if I'm doing it unto Him. And yet, I still don't want to do it. How's that for selfish? And it's got nothing to do with the money aspect. The money I'm using is set aside. It's not mine. It's meant for this purpose. So because Satan can't get to me about whether or not I "have enough" to be doing this, he's trying to bother me on another front I guess. I guess there's always going to be a way that Satan chooses to attack. This time, he's trying to make me so frustrated that I give up or trying to turn me from the cheerful giver, the woman radiating the love of Christ to these people in a tangible way that I want to be, into someone whose resentment radiates off of her and poisons the chance that Christ is giving me.

But as I said recently to another woman in my lifegroup, "Satan no longer has an power over us. He's like that child beating against the floor desperate for attention, knowing he won't get his way." My G-d has overcome and has already won this victory. I will not let Satan corrupt the work that my L-rd is trying to do. I will be the hands and feet of Christ as best I can in whatever way He shows me.


  1. "Satan no longer has an power over us. He's like that child beating against the floor desperate for attention, knowing he won't get his way." My G-d has overcome and has already won this victory." ~ So wonderful and so very true.

    Just wanted to stop by and say thank you for reading The Domestic Fringe and leaving a comment. I am praying for your family and have asked many friends to do the same.

  2. I'm sorry I didn't get to reply to this before. (I tried and the system went whack and wouldn't let me post.) Thank you for stopping by. :) I'm not yet posting about the family situation because I don't have the permission (and have been asked to keep it off FB). But G-d has provided and will continue! (Within less than a week they've started moving into a new place.) Now the problem is the former landlords pulling shenanigans...