Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Do I have faith?

"Faith is believing G-d. [...] Can you imagine what life would be like if we just believed God?  What if we read His Word as absolute truth and lived as though God meant every single word in that book?" --Tricia from The Domestic Fringe

I read this just now as I was trying to get through the mountain of blogs that I've subscribed to before I tried to write about my own journey with Christ, my cup of tea. I would say that I have faith. I believe in G-d. There is a G-d. That is not a question for me. But do I believe Him? Do I trust Him? Do I put my life in His hands and believe the promises He made? That He has plans for me? To prosper me, to give me hope, to give me a future? A future better than that I can even dream of? Do I believe He has the best for me?

Yes and no. I do believe it in my heart. But what do my actions say? I know that if I would come running to His arms, bury my face into Him, and just rest, He would care for me. He would give me peace and comfort and He will illuminate my path. I know that though it may be scary to follow Him no matter what He wants, it's exactly what I need to do. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 15. I was baptized a little more than a year later. I was talking to Mary on my play phone at two years old and the answer "He's in heaven now with Mary and Jesus" was enough for me at a year and a half old when my great-grandfather died. I may not have gone to church every Sunday and I may not read my Bible every day or pray with the passion of others. I am still figuring this out. But I am, in a way, that proverbial lifelong Christian. If I grew up knowing about Christ, how much should my life change after I accepted Him?

The truth is that my church is geared for the septuagenarians. Those who have been in the church since before there was really a choice to NOT go. We sing hymns. We take communion every first Sunday of the month. There are people who are probably older than parts of the building. Because of this, they don't preach about how to get saved. I grew up with a Christianity that didn't really impact my daily life. Yes, I believed Jesus died on the cross for me. Yes, I thought reading the Bible was a good thing to do and so was praying. In fact, I should pray every night. And it would be nice if I said grace before meals. But that was it. I was no different than anyone else I knew. Circle C changed that a bit but still I was a teenager. I clearly remember telling G-d one time that I would give my life wholly to Him... Later. For right now, I said, I only have one life and you have so many. Right now, I can't. Not yet. When I'm grown up I will.

THAT is not believing G-d. That is not trusting His promises. But now that I know my life should be different, should be set apart, do I have faith? Do I believe G-d?

Later: How I believe G-d's promises regarding my money, my love life, my mental illness, my future.


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